


Still

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Kizuna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-22
Updated: 2004-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 05:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1634714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Lying in a hospital bed held very little novelty." Ranmaru flips out a little, Enjouji is Enjouji.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Chris

 

 

Lying in a hospital bed held very little novelty. Once Ranmaru stopped feeling grateful for every breath he took-- thankful that he was alive, that Enjouji was alive-- the reality of his infirmity began to eat away at him. Vowing not to be so cliche as to count his ceiling tiles, sometimes Ranmaru amused himself by lying very still. He would lay so still, without moving or trying to move a single muscle. Then he would close his eyes and pretend that he was in his bed at home. That there was nothing wrong with him, that he was just resting, and in a minute he could get up to go to kendo practice.

The illusion never held for long. Then Ranmaru was back where he'd started-- lying crippled in a hospital bed.

Ranmaru was a solitary person by nature. Being left to his own thoughts was much preferable to being surrounded by a crowd of chatty well-wishers. But Ranmaru was also used to being able to practice or exercise or go for a fucking walk to keep himself occupied.

Ranmaru was bored out of his skull.

So he'd asked one of the nurses to bring him something to read. This had seemed like a good idea. The book itself wasn't all that great, a spy novel of mediocre quality, but Ranmaru was thrilled just to have something to occupy his mind with. It was a bit awkward, holding the book and turning the pages with only one hand, but he could manage all right. Soon Ranmaru was caught up with the characters' fictional problems and fears and his own seemed quite far away.

Then Ranmaru moved to turn the page and almost knocked the book clear off the bed with his useless, numb hand.

Ranmaru froze. Even when Ranmaru pretended, imagined that he was strong and healthy, never for a second did Ranmaru ever forget that he really wasn't.

Ranmaru stared at the book fallen by his side. He replayed the last moment again in his mind, that instant he had tried to turn the page with his right hand. The only moment in this last painful month that Ranmaru had really believed-- just for a second-- that he was whole. That he wasn't-- wasn't--

Ranmaru's left hand clenched into a fist, but his right lay still and limp. Because, Ranmaru told himself as if he needed reminding, he was paralyzed.

The anger inside Ranmaru boiled over suddenly. He grabbed the book with his good hand and hurled it at the far wall, where it made a loud crack as its spine struck the plaster.

Maybe his own spine had sounded like that.

Ranmaru covered his eyes with his hand.

"Not on the bestseller's list, I take it."

Ranmaru's head whipped towards the doorway, startled.

"Still, it can't have been all that bad, right?" Enjouji picked up the book and straightened its dust jacket. He peered at the scuff mark it had left on the wall, "You've got a mean throw there, Ran-chan." He winked, "Remind me not to get on your nerves."

Ranmaru looked away, his face burning, shamed that Enjouji had witnessed his outburst of childishness.

Across the room Enjouji sighed, but Ranmaru couldn't tell what emotion was behind it. Whether Enjouji was upset with him, or disappointed with him, or-- Ranmaru squeezed his eyes shut-- tired of him.

Then there was a warmth beside him, hands on his shoulder and hip nudging him over so Enjouji could lie next to him.

Ranmaru frowned, "Enjouji?"

Enjouji shushed him as he wound an arm around Ranmaru's waist and nestled in so that they were pressed together the length of their bodies, from forehead to ankle.

Ranmaru tried again, "Enjouji--"

"Relax, no one's going to come in. Now," Enjouji propped open the book and flipped a few pages idly, "Where were you? You have to at least see how it ends."

"Then end of chapter seven," Ranmaru admitted and Enjouji turned pages obediently.

"Is here good?"

"...it's fine."

"Good." And Enjouji started to read. But he hadn't even reached the end of the page before Ranmaru couldn't stand it anymore.

"Enjouji, stop. Stop! I'm not a child." Ranmaru clapped his hand over his face again as his eyes started to sting.

"Ran-chan?"

"I'm not," Ranmaru insisted, struggling for breath around the sudden tightness in his chest and throat.  
Enjouji's arms wrapped around him tightly, "Okay, okay. I know. I know you're not. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to-- I'm sorry."

Ranmaru lay still as Enjouji latched onto him and murmured into his hair. After a while, he drew a deep breath and said softly, "I hate that you have to see me like this."

"Have to? *Have to?*"

Ranmaru felt Enjouji pull away, but obviously not very far because then he was prying at the hand Ranmaru had over his face.

"Look at me. Look at me, dammit."

Ranmaru opened his eyes to see Enjouji poised over him, his face inches away, and his eyes dark with intensity.

"I hope to God the day never comes that I don't have to see your face! Ran..." Enjouji trailed his fingertips along Ranmaru's cheek, "you're so beautiful, you know? I could spend the rest of my life just looking at you."

Ranmaru shook his head, opened his mouth to tell Enjouji that no, he didn't get it, that wasn't what he meant, but before he could Enjouji surged forward and caught him in a kiss. Ranmaru tried to resist, but the feel of Enjouji's soft lips made him forget why he wanted to.

Enjouji laughed when he pulled away finally, resting their foreheads together. "You know," he said, "it just kills me that you think you're the one weak one here. You are so amazing and I can't even do one thing for you without fucking it up. I don't think you're a child, Ran-chan. I love you so much. Just... will you let me read to you? I want to. Please, Ran-chan?"

Slowly, Ranmaru nodded and Enjouji settled back by his side. As he lay still and listened to Enjouji's familiar voice, for the first time since he had woken up here he actually felt-- normal. Happy. But it wasn't because he had forgotten that he was lying in a hospital bed. It was because he had remembered that Enjouji was lying there with him.

 


End file.
